It takes three to tango

I don’t think it’s been really cold yet this winter. I’ve always said the perfect temperature for watching football is minus 6C and ideally I’d be standing on an open terrace in a raging blizzard. When one team equalises in the ninth minute of injury time to extend the fun for another half-an-hour, some people in the crowd may experience a feeling known as ‘losing the will to live’. But for me it’s the icing on the cake.

Eight matches in the last week, bringing me up to 110 for the season, had these results and attendances: Three Bridges 4-1 Southend Manor (66), QPR Youth 2-1 Huddersfield Town (639), Piccadilly Line 2-10 Metropolitan Line (1), Albion Reds 0-9 Islington Admiral (6), Westway 2-1 EC1 Youth (14), Gosport Borough 0-1 Braintree Town (332), Brasenose College 4-2 Dinamo Dorigo (1) and Camden Town Ladies 1-0 Newham (3).

Yes, I know it should be ‘stoppage time’ rather than ‘injury time’. The referee can add on time for things other than injuries. ‘Stoppage time’ relates to time lost during the 90 minutes and if there’s a further stoppage during ‘stoppage time’, that time lost doesn’t have to be added. A match lasts for 90 minutes, unless there’s extra time, so it’s not possible to score ‘in the 93rd minute’.

It was truly ‘raining goals’ when I saw 70 in two days at the 2003 Island Games on Guernsey. On the first day it was 19-0, 11-0 and 5-0; on the second it was 20-0, 5-0 and 10-0. I mention this now because I attended two matches at Market Road last Thursday, kicking-off at 4pm and 6pm respectively, which finished 2-10 and 0-9. That’s probably the most concentrated period of goal-scoring that I’ve ever experienced.

Gosport, a four-minute ferry ride from Portsmouth, is where my grandparents lived for 20 years after retiring. Three generations would often walk down the road to see Gosport Borough, then a Hampshire League side, play at Privett Park. Our first match was the annual ‘Coronation Cup’ fixture between Boro’ and the Gosport & District League, played (I think) on Christmas Day in 1960. The following year it was switched to Boxing Day.

I was there again on Saturday to see Boro’ take on Braintree Town, three divisions higher, in the First Round Proper of The FA Trophy. I hadn’t been there for more than a year and found the turnstiles moved to a different place and the completely new ‘Harry Mizen Stand’ with its individual blue seats on the opposite side to the Main Stand where we used to sit on the wooden benches all those years ago. Boro’ put on a great show, losing to the only goal scored after 52 minutes.

Heavy rain was promised for Sunday but fortunately it held off until the evening. I saw my best goal of the season in the morning match in Regent’s Park, a shot from about 45 yards by Dinamo Dorigo’s No.6 that was neither a lob nor a chip. He just blasted the ball with his right boot and it soared over the slightly advanced ‘keeper and dropped into the far corner. The scorer had been injured in a tackle only a few seconds earlier, some studs making painful contact with his right shin.

I returned to the hotel for a mug of beef & tomato soup and then took the tube back to be in the Park for a 2pm start. I’ve seen Camden Town Ladies play several times at that venue and I think the score has always been either 1-0 in their favour or a 1-1 draw. It’s been like watching ‘Serie A’ in the 1960s and they’ve clearly turned Pitch 8 into a ‘fortress’. It was 1-0 again yesterday, and with the match continuing to nearly 4pm after various injuries, it was pretty dark by the final whistle.     

I read last week that a planet bearing striking similarities to Earth has been discovered. Its surface is a comfortable 22C and it probably has water and land. If they have a football team, you certainly wouldn’t want an away draw there in The FA Cup. You couldn’t argue with a manager saying ‘it’s a difficult place to go’, given that the ground is 600 light years away. That’s 3,600 trillion miles.

This is my last column of the year, as I’ll be doing my usual holiday job as the back end of a reindeer in ‘Santa’s Magic Grotto’. It’s hardly my most creative role but the money’s good.