The Millers' Tale

‘The Road to Wembley’ or ‘The March to the Arch’ began again at the weekend with around 400 teams in FA Cup action and the superfan watched three Extra Preliminary Round ties down in Hampshire. They were Totton & Eling v Bemerton Heath Harlequins (2-0), New Milton Town v Longwell Green Sports (1-1) and Lymington Town v Moneyfields (1-3).

I travelled down to Bournemouth Friday lunchtime, staying at my usual hotel run by a Norwich City fanatic, and took the train back out to Totton near Southampton in the evening. The 130th FA Cup competition didn’t quite start at Totton & Eling’s Southern Gardens HQ – the tie at nearby Ringwood Town apparently kicked off 15 minutes earlier.

I paid my £5 admission to a lady sitting behind a little table and put my hand in a pocket to get out some change for the programme. I dropped about 20 coins, some of which were still rolling around about a minute later. It takes years of practice to reach that level of incompetence – but I suppose it gave a new slant to the expression ‘throwing money at the team’.

Harlequins were left to rue a string of missed chances in the first half, Totton & Eling winning 2-0. One of the home players was described in the programme as ‘a tedious midfielder’; I think the adjective there was meant to be ‘tenacious’. The Millers, who will soon move to a new ground, have Kev Dawtry as Joint Manager, who I saw play League football for Bournemouth.

I had five FA Cup ties to choose from on Saturday and plumped for New Milton. In the first half, I stood behind the goal in a thunderstorm. I was in front of some trees, thinking the branches would shelter me from the torrential rain – but they didn’t. New Milton took the lead against the run of play just before half-time and their Bristol visitors equalised to set up a replay tonight.

The first prolonged sunshine of the weekend arrived during Lymington’s early Sunday afternoon tie with Moneyfields at Brockenhurst’s ground. The stand was infested with wasps, so I stood along the side in a crowd that must have been close to 200. Moneyfields’ big centre-half, with a beard and long hair, hit a bludgeoning free-kick after about ten minutes that went through the ‘wall’, through the goalie and nearly through the back of the net.

They went 3-0 up early in the second half and it was pretty much game over. All three Cup ties over the weekend were extremely competitive. There’s the glory – and the money too. Yesterday I made up half the crowd for Midnight Creepers v Ibsecad FC in Caledonian Road’s ‘Monday League’ (4-0).

That was my 5,867th match.