Sun, sea and goals

The Barber has been to seven more games and seen 35 more goals. There was action in the Isthmian, Spartan South Midlands, Wessex and Hampshire Leagues – plus two Cup Finals.

The week began with Sport London e Benfica v Tokyngton Manor, a local derby in the SSML at Hanwell (1-3). It had one of those odd goals which the defence disputes on the basis that the ball has entered through a hole in the net. The referee gave it. From the stand it was difficult to tell. “It’s because we’re Portuguese” claimed one of the home officials.

Then the superfan was down on the coast for three nights in Bournemouth. I always like going to Tatnam, home to Poole Town, because you always hear a lot of laughter during games, and conveniently the Dolphins were now due to play their last two home fixtures inside three days.

First up were Horndean on Tuesday. The intriguing aspect here was that Poole, recently crowned Wessex Premier Champions, had a record like this: played 39, won 37, drawn two, lost none and 133 goals for. Their Hampshire opposition, by contrast, were bottom of the table and had so far conceded 106 goals. Surely it had to be an avalanche.

There was an old boy selling ‘golden goal’ tickets. He was wearing a red ‘Dolphins’ baseball cap, wielded an old-fashioned wooden football rattle in one hand and had a bugle attached to some string round his neck. He tried a couple of tunes on the instrument, without great success, before a bright little girl in the front row piped up: “Can you play ‘Far Far Away’?”

He wasn’t falling for that one. Poole gave a masterclass on how to miss scoring chances from close range in the first half, but still ended up 10-0 winners. Steve Smith, usually a sub, notched a double hat-trick.

Sandwiched between the two dates at Tatnam I had a Hampshire Premier fixture between QK Southampton and Fleetlands at Lordshill Rec. I took the ‘Cross Country’ train to Southampton and then a local service to Redbridge, where the station had two platforms, a brick wall and nothing else. There was no timetable, so I had no idea what time the return train was. Or indeed if there’d be one.

Even with a map I couldn’t find the ground. There simply wasn’t a right turn into ‘Redbridge Lane’ where the ground was said to be located. I walked back to the station and a nice barmaid in ‘The Ship Inn’ nearby let me use her mobile to call a cab. The driver and I found signs to ‘Millbrook Rugby Club’ and then, finally, a hand-written ‘Welcome to QK Southampton’ sign in front of a farmer’s stile in a country lane. That was the way in.

No programme, no admission. About 20 people watched a 1-1 draw between two mid-table sides.

Back to Poole Town on Thursday. They used to play at Poole Stadium but were forced to leave in the 1990s. There was once a crowd of over 11,000 for an FA Cup replay against Watford and I saw several games there in the club’s Southern League days. It’s all a bit sad really. The Stadium is now used for greyhounds and speedway – I suppose dogs riding bikes will always be a novelty.

Poole’s opponents in their penultimate WPL fixture of a hitherto unbeaten season were Dorset rivals Wimborne Town, once FA Vase winners at Wembley, and I’ve seldom seen a team so ‘up for it’. Wimborne were 3-0 ahead in half-an-hour and their 5-1 victory was a major shock to the Tatnam faithful. That chap didn’t have his bugle this time. “Wife made me bin it” he told us with a long face.

Thursday’s big game was preceded by a Boys’ Final that was won on corners (a ‘first’ for me) and by the weekend I was back in town to see Carshalton secure their play-off spot with a 2-1 win at Hendon and Fernhead Rovers beat Ealing Allstars 4-2 in the West End Sunday PM League Premier Division Challenge Cup Final at Hanwell.