It’s not always easy being gay.
I know it looks like a rainbow-filled walk in the park, and of course our community is overflowing with the best actors, singers, musicians, writers, and artists.
But underneath that glamorous veneer, most of us have struggled to a greater or lesser extent as we come to terms with our sexuality, and those struggles often remain with us through our lives. More so than ever, we need allies to the LGBT community to help us in our fight for acceptance.
Possibly the most powerful experience of “allyship” I’ve had was when the FA marched in London Pride last year. At short notice we were able to pull together a number of people from across the FA and County FA network to organise the logistics around the day.
What amazed and humbled me was the fact that many of the people joining us to plan and deliver our attendance were allies who wanted to help and show their support.
The day itself was a powerful reminder to me of how football can bring everyone together, as people from all races, faiths and sexual orientations came together to celebrate the progress we’ve made in becoming a more tolerant and welcoming society.
Fortunately, homophobia today is less prevalent than it was when I was growing up (but don’t forget, it’s still not a lifestyle choice). But we still need help from our allies, and indeed MORE allies, to continue the journey towards greater acceptance.
So what can you do to help? What does “being an ally” to the LGBT community mean to me?
Firstly, it means supporting our community even when there’s nobody there who directly benefits from it. Please challenge homophobic language if you hear it.
Slurs cause harm, even when there’s no obvious or present target. I don’t need to hear the words to be hurt by them – they reinforce stereotypes and while they might seem harmless and only in jest, they often enable and empower people who genuinely DO want to cause harm.
Let’s make sure we don’t inadvertently create a welcoming environment for homophobes and bigots.
Also, it means having an open mind. Do a bit of research, understand more about the struggles our community faces and think about how you could make a difference.
Ask your LGBT colleagues! Many of us will be happy to share or offer advice or help. Sometimes, just asking and showing a desire to understand can provide a huge psychological boost to an individual who might be having a tough day. It’s not difficult to do and can have a disproportionate benefit.
This is a silly thing, but after the resignation of our chairman a few weeks ago I found myself making a deliberate choice to take my FA-branded umbrella out on my twice-daily walks. I really wanted someone to approach me and challenge me so that we could have a conversation about the recent events and so I could try to demonstrate that the FA is a better organisation than might be portrayed at times.
So my final request is to encourage you to take a further step as an ally of the LGBT community and make that allyship visible to all.
We have a perfect opportunity this week with the culmination of Stonewall’s Rainbow Laces campaign, but there are plenty other ways to continue you support across the year, including World AIDS Day (HIV is the gay community’s very own pandemic, 40 years old and still no cure), LGBT history month in February and Pride season in the summer too.
But why not consider wearing your rainbow laces all year round? I wear them to the gym every time I go, and at least one other pair of my everyday walking boots have them permanently attached too. It’s a small gesture, but very meaningful – and, of course, they look great.
We’ve come a long way in our journey towards greater acceptance of the LGBT community in the world.
There’s still a long way to go, but let’s not forget the power that football has to change lives and firmly embed that tolerance and support in our society.
As I’ve said a few times before, I firmly believe that the FA has actively supported and encouraged me to be my most authentic self – more authentic than at any other time in my working career.
Your allyship will enable more and more people to live happier, more fulfilled lives. It may even encourage more people to take that step in coming out to friends and family.
Happy, fulfilled, authentic and genuine – isn’t that how we’d all like to live?
