After turning up at Chessington for an FA Vase match and then Raynes Park Vale for a Combined Counties League fixture and finding both cancelled, he ended up as the only spectator in a muddy park for Morgan Chase v St Josephs Old Boys.
Additional games in the last week at Barnet, Dulwich and Fulham have now taken the football legend (in his dreams) to 85 for the season and 5,217 altogether. There could be one or two, more likely nine or ten, during the Christmas period if weather permits. What’s the betting it won’t?
The week began with an FA Youth Cup Third Round Proper tie between Arsenal and Wycombe Wanderers at Underhill.
With the Tube in "up the spout" mode it took nearly two hours to get from Paddington to High Barnet and I missed the kick-off. But I was soon sitting at the end of a row of teenage Laurens at the back of a packed stand to see Wycombe take the lead through the No.11 in his big white boots.
It went to extra-time, like every other Youth Cup tie I’ve ever been to. Well, it seems like it.
I was really looking forward to Chessington & Hook United v Street in the Vase. I love the Vase, I’d never been to Chessington and I’d never seen Street. I called the ground from Waterloo but there was no reply. It’s a case of "he who dares wins", I thought. There was blazing sunshine in Chessington, the pavements were dry, there was no way the game wouldn’t be played.
"The Barber" walked purposefully past the respective entrances to the Chessington World of Adventures and Chessington Zoo. Several cars turned into Chalky Lane, leading to a ground located in the middle of farm land.
I could see the pitch, lush and green, and several fans chatting by the open gate. Unfortunately, the first snatch of conversation that I heard went "I suppose they’ll play it next Saturday now".
It was off! But it looked like a pitch in August. No muddy bits, bone dry even in the goalmouths. I can only assume that a decision to abort was made very early in the morning. Yes, there had been some rain during the night – but six hours or so of drying time had apparently not been factored in.
As I said to my American friend: "That job you’ve got at NASA, it’s not exactly rocket science, is it?" "Well, yes it is actually."
As soon as I heard someone mention that the nearest alternative game was at Raynes Park Vale, I shot off back to the station and found that I could just about make it by three o’clock. In fact, it was about five past when I pitched up at Grand Drive to be met by an empty ground – except for a thousand seagulls. As far as I can gather these were the only two postponements in the whole of Britain on Saturday.
Here’s the rub. On the other side of a fence a game WAS in progress. So a playable pitch and an unplayable pitch can be as little as twenty yards apart.
I watched the second half and the nearside goalie told me about the teams, the score and the league. It finished 5-2 but I’d missed some of the goals.
Now more paranoid than ever, I set off for Dulwich on Sunday for Fisher Athletic’s FA Trophy First Round Proper tie with Eastbourne Borough, one of my favoured teams. Borough were ahead in about twenty seconds and it turned out to be the only goal.
I have games at Charlton, Oxford and Lewes coming up but I’m away from the office after today, so may I wish all my millions of readers a Merry Christmas and a preposterous New Year.